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Tuesday, September 9, 2008

10.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day

Foreward... Damn you craiglist, a little (I mean I don't really want to damn c-list because I love the c-list) But OMG when are we gonna get some new crazy "Best of" postings...

To the person who put a Rick James album on my windshield...
Date: 2007-09-12, 1:33PM EDT


Yesterday (9/11) I was running errands in downtown. I had a lot on my mind and was not having the best day ever. After returning to my car 15 minutes after the meter expired, I expected to find a parking ticket. But no, in place of a parking ticket was a Rick James vinyl... SCORE!

Who was responsible for this? Why Rick James? Were you aware that I have an unhealthy obsession with my record collection or was I just the random recipient of a generious gift?

Either way, to the person who bestowed upon me the newest addition to my collection- thank you. Thank you for making my day just a little more absurd. Thank you for making me smile. Thank you for taking my mind off work. But most of all, thank you for opening my ears to the musical masterpiece that is "Dance Wit' Me".

So, to the person who put the Rick James vinyl on my windshield- I want to know you. If you, by any random chance, happen to read this, please contact me. Also, let me know something about my car so that I can authenticate your deed and possibly return the favor!

  • Location: Liberty St, Ann Arbor
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

That's no fun... " AP NYC man says airline lost his dead wife's body "

Imagine this being on Airline on A&E... this is horrible

NYC man says airline lost his dead wife's body

NEW YORK - A man who tried to send his late wife's body to their native Ecuador for burial is suing American Airlines and a funeral home, claiming the carrier misplaced his wife's remains for four days.

Miguel Olaya, 60, says he hired the DeRiso Funeral Home in Brooklyn to ship his wife's body to Guayaquil, Ecuador, on April 1, but the coffin was not aboard the plane when he went to meet it at the airport. He also claims the body was badly decomposed because it wasn't properly embalmed.

Christopher Robles, Olaya's lawyer, said the airline initially gave his client conflicting stories.

"First they didn't know where her body was. Then they said maybe it was in Miami and finally they said it was in Guatemala," the lawyer said Tuesday. "Instead of sending it on the flight to Guayaquil, American sent the body to Guatemala City."

The lawyer said Olaya could not collect his wife's remains until April 4. "The body was missing for four days," he said.

Funeral director Kathleen DeRiso said the shipping error was caused by someone at American who punched in the wrong airport code. She said they wrote GUA for Guatemala instead of GYE for Guayaquil.

"It was not our error," DeRiso said, adding that the body was properly embalmed and "there was no decomposition." She said it was the first time in her 18 years of dealing with American that such a mistake had happened.

American spokeswoman Jennifer Pemberton said her company was investigating the situation but could not comment because of the pending litigation.

Olaya's lawsuit, filed last week in state Supreme Court in Brooklyn, accuses the airline and funeral home of negligence and asks unspecified damages.

Olaya's wife, Teresa, died of pelvic cancer at age 57 on March 28.

Monday, September 8, 2008

you don't know JACK

I won't be playing free YDKJ episodes anymore. Their yanking 'em. They claim they can't afford them. Oh well, I guess I'll have to do something else to chill after a shift.

Big News in Jellyland

Dear YDKJ online players, the Pope, our old intern Nate and his elephant-spouse Tiny, Britney Spears, the people of the Mosquito Coast, Pat Sajak, that one guy we used in all those pictures, and all the animals that were harmed in the making of our game (especially the marmot):

For the past 21 months or so, we've been honored to make our online game for you, about you, or via exploitation of you. For a free Beta version, we feel we've provided at least a $2-$3 value. And we're proud of that. Completely out of money, but proud. Seriously, last week we ate cheese sandwiches without the cheese. Or the sandwich. We just stared at lifelike drawings of cheese sandwiches and made eating gestures with our hands and mouths. You'd be surprised, it actually works a little.

But be that as it may, we've decided to actually try to make some money with this thing. We're working hard on getting this game out to the masses - not that the 1,000 or so of you who play every week don't qualify as "the masses." We're just really, really hungry.

So, hopefully, in the upcoming weeks, you'll hear some real big news about a real big deal we've made with some real bigshots who can help get YOU DON'T KNOW JACK back to where it belongs - in the home of every living man, woman, and child, and most elves. And for all of our loyal viewers, and we know who you are, we promise to give you a token of our appreciation. Stay tuned.

Since we'll need all of our resources to devote to this and other ventures in bringing new and exciting Jellyvision games to the world - and this is that news we promised - our online episodes will be coming to a halt at Episode 100. That's five more episodes, starting now. And then, well... the world shall be our oyster once again. Then we can eat the world, because like we said, we're hungry, even though we don't like oysters all that much.

Enjoy the final five episodes, and for Pete's sake, stop staring at us like that.

Thanks, everybody.
Jellyvision

9.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day

Menopausal woman with nasty temper has 85 Grand Prix for sale


Date: 2008-04-28, 8:55AM EDT Let's answer some questions before I describe the car. Humour me... please...

1. NO, it is not a "condo-car" that's been garaged all its natural life. It's a $600 car.


2. YES, the odometer reads 24k miles, but I am VERY certain it has rolled over and it's actually 124k miles. It's a $600 car.


3. YES, it is restorable. Anything is restorable if you have the time and money! But, in its current condition, it's a $600 car.


4. YES, the interior is very clean. NOTICE I DID NOT SAY IT WAS MINT! It is clean... one tiny tear on the drivers seat back, broken arm-rest on drivers side, TWENTY THREE YEARS OLD!!! Again, it's a $600 car.


5. YES, it does start and run very well. My son drove it to and from work for several months while his daily-driver was being repaired. Not bad for a $600 car!


6. NO, my boyfriend and his tool box do NOT come with the car. In other words, you're buying a TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD, SIX HUNDRED DOLLAR CAR, people! I cannot guarantee that it will "last at least a year" or that "it will make it all the way to Oregon in September". Sheesh... I mean, c'mon! My crystal ball broke a lonnnnnng time ago. What's more, it's a $600 car.

7. YES, it is quiet. But will it disturb your neighbors? HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW? I don't even KNOW your neighbors! I know you can squeal tires pretty loudly, even in this old $600 car.

8. NO, I will NOT pay for your gas if you drive here from East Jesus and decide not to buy the car for any reason. Why would you drive 3 hours to buy a $600 car anyway?


9. NO, I am NOT interested in donating the car to your worthy cause. My son needs the money. He's a kid, for crying out loud! Do you really think he'd be advertising this $600 car for SALE if he wanted to "help you out because you're down on your luck because your boyfriend left you and took your car and you have no way to get back and forth from....". You get the picture.


10. Did I mention it's a $600 car? That does NOT mean it's a $400 car, or a $500 car, or even a $550 car! THE PRICE IS $600, get it?


11. NO, I do not own a firearm. Yet.
If you've read this far, then you must be somewhat interested in the car, right? Be advised, I am in no mood to be trifled with after the 250 stupid phone calls I received over the weekend. That's right... 250, mostly assinine people, asking questions relating to the above 11 answers. Ever dealt with a woman whose hot-flashes run about 500 degrees? Seriously. Do NOT poke the bear, or if you do, do so at your own risk. I am not going to post my phone number, as my Xanax prescription is empty and I cannot afford to have it refilled until this Friday. That being said, I do have twenty photos of the car from every angle, aspect, perspective and view which I would be happy to send to you via email. Just click on the pretty blue link at the top of the post, and I promise I'll email you back lots of full-color photos that were taken just this morning.

****Only after I have determined that you are not going to be yet another idiot such as those mentioned above will I give you my phone number and/or address so that you may come and see the car****

Sunday, September 7, 2008

8.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day


SOMEecards.com

Gotta love Rick Astley

You wouldn't get this from any other guy


Date: 2008-04-24, 11:52AM EDT

Are you ready to be together forever baby?

Somethings i will never to do you:

1. Give you up

2. Let you down
3. Run Around
4. Desert you

5. Make you cry

6. Say Goodbye

7. Tell a Lie

8. Hurt you


A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You know your heart's been aching, but you're too shy to say it. Hit me up

Saturday, September 6, 2008

7.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day


SOMEECARDS.COM read them, share a laugh.

Since I am pretty sure nobody reads this... I hear it falling, falling so silently on deaf ears.
Best of Craigslist has not updated with any new material since 8-28-08... I know!
Where's the instant gratification added value in that?
SO, being less tenacious to go through a bunch of OLD posts... I just looked for my birthday's post date to see what would pop.
I know! I am lucky to find such a gem posted on my birthday. Must be the Aquarian charm.
Wow, no one reads this and I still type all this crap... that's dedication.

Carton Of Irregular Cat Hats


Date: 2008-02-07, 11:01AM PST


Hello. I have a big box of used cat and kitten hats that I have collected over the years for various occasions. As of recently my cat, Snowman, is no longer living and thus I am forced to get rid of these precious memories. I would not feel right asking money for them so I am offering the whole box for free. There are many styles from formal to cute and funny.




There is a variety of 14 different hats total. I just hope you and your pet can find as much joy in these hats as me and Snowman once did.

E-mail me if you are interested and I will give you my address where you can pick them up. I can also arrange for a free delivery if you are not too far away.

Thank you, Patty

Craigslist
Craigslist.... the world is better with Craigslist


H20

Around 7:45 am my mother in law, who lives with us, informed me that there was no water pressure. Then she told me that there was no water.

I called the company at 8 am. They told me that they were working on it and call back if it wasn't back in operation in four hours. At noon we still had no running water. Husband called company and was told it was almost repaired and water should start to come in.

3pm. Still NO water. I called again. This time I was told that there was a major problem and it would be around 6 or 7 before water would be restored. On top of that, the water has to be boiled until the lab specimen returns.

So during that time, bathroom use was to a minimum and there was a pile of stinky dishes in my sink for most the day... and I went to Starbucks. I was up at 4 am for my shift and if I was going to make it through my 2-week supply food shopping, I would have to get my caffeine.

So thanks to Aquatex, Starbucks got 10 bucks from me! (I got coffee for my husband, MIL, and myself)

I now have a better appreciation for running water.

Friday, September 5, 2008

6.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day


to the guy doing my wife

Date: 2008-02-21, 1:43PM CST
To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?

5.After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, Irun out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks).

6.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentaly challenged.

7.Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and MUD is putting it in my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.


8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.


Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.


P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.


Thanks
This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Another way to kill America's favorite vampire...

So the widely popular Twilight series' life was cut short by an unauthorized distribution of a rough draft. Too bad. I just finished Twilight and am going to start reading New Moon today...

I was looking forward to reading Midnight Sun... a little reluctant to read Breaking Dawn, because of a potential cliffhanger that would have been satisfied by the unpublished (and forevermore unpublished) Midnight Sun. I REFUSE to read the manuscript out on the web if I decide to go ahead and finish with Breaking Dawn out of principle, since the scoundrel who leaked it ruined it for the rest of us. Grrr.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080903/lf_nm_life/books_meyer_dc

Stephenie Meyer drops new book after Web leak

Wed Sep 3, 9:32 AM ET

CANBERRA (Reuters Life!) - Author Stephenie Meyer, writer of the best-selling young adult "Twilight" books, has put the fifth and final installment in the series on hold in protest after a partial draft was posted on the Internet.


Meyer, the U.S. author of "Twilight" and its sequels "New Moon," "Eclipse" and "Breaking Dawn," said she had a good idea of how the leak of "Midnight Sun" had happened as so few copies had left her hands and each was unique.

The novel tells the love story of a human teenager named Bella and her vampire lover, Edward.

"The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose. I have no comment beyond that, as I believe that there was no malicious intent with the initial distribution," she wrote in a posting on her website.

But Meyer, 34, said this was a huge violation of her rights of an author as well as her rights as a human being as she owned the copyright and had the say when the book should be made public.

She said musicians and filmmakers also had the same rights and it was dishonest of anyone to download material off the Internet and to reproduce and distribute it.

"This has been a very upsetting experience for me, but I hope it will at least leave my fans with a better understanding of copyright and the importance of artistic control," wrote Meyer.

"I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on "Midnight Sun," and so it is on hold indefinitely."

Meyer said the draft that was released on the Internet was incomplete with messy and flawed writing but she was making this draft available to everyone to be a fair and because it added a new dimension to the "Twilight" story.

(Reporting by Belinda Goldsmith, Editing by Matthew Jones)

In this photo originally released by Little,Brown and Company shows author Stephenie Meyer.  (AP Photo/David Stone,Little,Brown and Company, file) This was the picture of Stephenie Meyer that went along with the article, she looks a little miffed. Good pick.

5.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day

SomeEcards

My soul for original recipe 20 pc bucket


Date: 2008-05-31, 7:34AM MDT


hey, i'm really broke and i'm craving some kfc tonight.
in exchange i will write a pact for my soul with my own blood and sign it.

i figure i'm going to hell anyways so at least whatever you did with my eternal soul wouldn't be so bad. plus i get fried chicken out of it!


ps. this is serious.
pss. if i could get some coleslaw too that'd be awesome.

craigslist

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

COUNTRY FIRST?

Sounds kinda Commie for a "conservative" Party, Senator McCain.

DA horns!

Looks like Saturday night I'll need to forgo the MGD and break out the old espresso machine... game starts at 9:15...

When you're a mom and not used to staying up late, watching a game where the fourth quarter runs past midnight could prove difficult.


4.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day

SomeEcards

Fill My Valence Electron Shell


Date: 2008-08-02, 8:33PM EDT


A little about me: My name is Selenium, but you can just call me Se. I take good care of myself--78.96 amu and disease free. I've been ionized before, but I'm not really into that anymore.

I'm looking for someone to really bond with. Covalently. I want to be in a truly stable relationship. Do you have what I need?

I'm not just looking for another Bromine. I want someone who will treat me like a princess and together we can become noble.



craigslist

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Fishing for Libertarians with Palin bait

HEY LIBERTARIANS! Ok, hear me out. Put aside the fact that she was chosen by a flagrant neo-Con to be a running mate. She's for free-market health-care and for the 2nd amendment... can we get your vote... For McCain... Well yeah, I know SHE won't be the President, but VP is a good consolation prize? Better than nothing. Look, I know you Libertarians are an idealistic bunch but, can't we team up against the liberals, the Osama Bin Bidens (NOTE: This is satire, author DOES NOT support the unfair associatation of Barack Obama to terrorists).

Does she support Gay rights and changing the drug policy? Well no. But think of it this way... McCain could kick the bucket at any time and then Palin would be president. Can we get your vote?

Ok, where did this come from... This article...

The Libertarian Case for Palin

By David Harsanyi

The potential political consequences of Sarah Palin have been chewed over from every imaginable angle.

Though there is plenty to ponder, one thing is certain: libertarian- inclined voters should be encouraged. No, I'm not suggesting that your little Molly will be bringing home "The Road to Serfdom" from her (distinctly non-public) elementary school. But in contrast to any national candidate in recent memory, Palin is the one that exudes the economic and cultural sensibilities of a geniune Western-style libertarian.

Now, Palin's lack of experience has been framed as an impenetrable negative. One wire story helpfully noted that Palin had never ever appeared on "Meet the Press." Shocking! But as Barack Obama often notes, it's not about experience, it's about judgment. And Palin's penchant for reform-minded conservatism is certainly at odds with the racket Washington Republicans have offered up the past 8 years.

Palin, for example, vetoed 300 pork projects in Alaska in her first year in office. She made a habit of knocking out big-government Republicans in her brief political career. For this, the 44-year-old mother of five enjoys a sterling approval rating in a state with arguably the nation's most libertarian- minded populace.

When it comes to healthcare, Palin says she wants to "allow free-market competition and reduce onerous government regulation." These days, any mention of the "free market" that's not framed as a crass pejorative is a sign of progress.

Culturally, there is little for the Heartland to dislike. By now, you've probably seen picture or two of Palin sporting a rifle. Apparently, she's left carcasses strewn across the Alaskan wilderness. In some places -- areas where the nation is growing -- owning a gun is not yet a sin. And unlike Obama, Palin seems to believe that the Second Amendment means the exact same thing in rural Alaska as it does in the streets of Chicago.

Yes, Palin is without argument a staunch social conservative. She is fervently opposed to abortion - even in cases of rape and incest, which will raise eyebrows, but is certainly more philosophically consistent than the namby pambyism of your average politician. The choice issue, after all, is complicated, even for many libertarians. And, as I was recently reminded, Ron Paul, the Libertarian champion of the 21st century, also opposes abortion.

Even when advocating for "moral" issues, Palin's approach is a soft sell. Palin does not support gay marriage (neither does Obama, it should be noted). Yet, in 2006, Palin's first veto as Governor was a bill that sought to block state employee benefits and health insurance for same-sex couples.

We cannot bore into Palin's soul to see her true feelings about gay couples, but, at the time, she noted that signing "this bill would be in direct violation of my oath of office" because it was unconstitutional. For most libertarians, the thought of politician following any constitution, rather than their own predilections, morality or the "common good," is a nice change of pace.

On the counterproductive War on Drugs, Palin is no warrior. Her Republican opponent in 2006 primary, incumbent Republican governor Frank Murkowski, made recriminalizing the possession of small amounts of pot a priority. Palin, though she does not support legalization, believes enforcement should be a high priority.

"I can't claim a Bill Clinton and say that I never inhaled," Palin once said. This sort of honesty is a welcome change from the standard hand-wringing about marijuana's supposed disastrous consequences.

On education, Palin supports school-choice programs. There have already been smears that she backed "creationist" teaching in "public" schools, when in fact, Palin's comment regarding intelligent design should hold some appeal to libertarians. Even if you find the idea inane, in essence, Palin pushed the idea that parents, rather than the state, should decide what children are learning.

When asked about this commotion, Palin said, "I won't have religion as a litmus test, or anybody's personal opinion on evolution or creationism. " If lockstep left-wing union-run school boards in urban districts would follow this sound advice on ideological litmus tests, our educational system would be a lot more productive.

Then there is a question of authenticity. And it matters. Those who will do anything for power, will say anything and support any position that is convenient. From John McCain to Joe Biden to Obama, one gets the sense that political office is their life's work. All of them have made attempts to create the perception that, hey, they're ordinary Americans just like you. Palin won't have to work at genuineness. With Palin, you get the impression she can take politics or leave it. Her life certainly hasn't been saturated with policy, favor trading and back scratching.

Of course, Washington has a mysterious power to turn perfectly reasonable, wholesome, well-meaning human beings into equivocating crooked gasbags. But, from the little we know about Palin, such a transformation doesn't seem likely. And for libertarians - in the broadest sense of the small "l" word -- she's the best candidate they can expect.

3.) SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day

SomeEcards

Looking for my SOLE-mate


Date: 2008-08-24, 8:19AM PDT


My name is Right Shoe. I am a right shoe - Skechers circa 2003. I lost my "sole" mate on Saturday in Otay Mesa. His name was Left Shoe.

You see, my owner, Left Shoe, and I were skydiving together, and as the chute opened, Left Shoe, my partner of 5 years, went flying away. I knew this would happen... I tried to tell my owner to tie us better, but he just wouldn't listen. (My owner has been learning how to speak Shoe... but talking to him is mostly like talking to a brick wall)

Left Shoe and I have been inseparable these past few years, ever since we got identical Made In China tattoos. It's like we were made for each other; we were even the same size & color, and we enjoyed the same activities. We traveled everywhere together, and we were even planning on going to Japan together in September.

Some people say Left Shoe jumped on purpose. Sure, we weren't in our prime anymore; Left Shoe especially got a lot of comments about being tattered and over the hill. But I know Left Shoe and he wouldn't do that to me. It was a bad day for Left Shoe because in the morning he stepped in gum, and then later he stepped in an unknown substance on the port-a-potty floor. But he was fine, and was excited to go skydiving. Left Shoe was resilient like that.

I really miss Left Shoe. I've come to terms with the fact that I may never see him again. But I really just want to know what happened to Left Shoe... Did he land in a lake? or did the winds carry him out to sea? or did he leave a little crater somewhere from the impact? or maybe he burned up on re-entry in a blazing fireball of glory.

If you know anything about what happened to Left Shoe, please contact me. I know I can't hope that Left Shoe is still alive, but I just want to know what became of Left Shoe...

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
--Alfred Lord Tennyson


All my thoughts & prayers,

Right Shoe

craigslist

Monday, September 1, 2008

2. SomeEcards Pick of the Day/Best of Craigslist Pick of the Day

SomeEcards


I will trade my sombrero for your kayak.


Date: 2008-07-21, 10:21PM EDT So, you finally realized that kayaks are work. You would much rather replace all that sweaty paddling with a cool, shady nap under a wide-brim hat dreaming of nachos. You think about all the space in your garage that kayak's taking up and just start to count how many jars of salsa you could fit on that shelf. You remember last Cinco de Mayo when you showed up to the big party sans sombrero. Someone threw a bell pepper at your head. Don't you think it's about time you traded in that kayak for a nice comfortable sombrero? Okay. How about I also throw in a pinata with 300 dollars worth of loose change? Think about it...If you no longer need that 10-12 foot sit on top kayak, I have a sombrero that----and I'm not even lying-----would look stunning on you. You think you look good in that poncho of yours, you just wait until the ladies get a load of you in that sombrero. Meow, indeed. Call [DELETED] to talk details about what's been missing in your life (my sombrero)."
Craigslist

I was going to blog about

The Sooner bitch with the white Mitsubishi Galant who loves to get ahead of everyone in traffic on FM 1431, Cedar Park

Chubby bitch with blonde hair. Sometimes in rollers.

She loves to cut people off in traffic and speed... (while most of us are slowing down because gas is outrageously expensive.

No I won't talk about how the economy of Austin and it's outlying bedroom towns (like Cedar Park) is supported by the University of Texas and how disgusting her bumperstickers are. (Such as "I brake for animals, except Longhorns)

Since I am refraining from blogging about what a traffic irritation she is... I guess I will have to blog about something else.